April 8, 2010

The Big PCS Part 1 - Baby Shoes

We are sort of in the middle of a big PCS... it's a long drawn out move because of some training the Man has to do between our last location and the next. I started preparing for this move weeks before it actually began, organizing and sifting through our stuff to see what we should give away. Nevertheless, the Saturday before we moved out, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and wasn't in the best mood. I was snappy with everyone, even the Aegi who wouldn't take a nap, was really fussy, and kept pulling my hair while I had him on my back so I could fold laundry.

I could tell the Man was thinking something, so I told him he'd better tell me what it was. He said, "I think you're being ridiculous right now." I knew he was absolutely right, but since I was being ridiculous anyway, I very maturely replied, "You're being ridiculous right now!" Anyway, once I got that out of my system, I apologized for being ridiculous and pulled it together (or so I thought).

In an effort to help, the Man suggested we go room by room and take a look at what was left to do. We went into the kids' room and there on the top shelf in their closet were several pairs of little shoes that they had grown out of during our two years there. The Man brought in a bag and started looking at each pair of shoes. If they were old and worn looking, he threw them into the bag to be trashed.

At some point during this process, he looked back at me - probably asking my opinion about a pair of shoes - and noticed the tears streaming down my face. I think he asked me why I was crying and I sobbed out something like, "I don't want to throw the shoes away!" The Man said, "Okay, then let's keep them." And I said something about how we shouldn't keep shoes that are too worn out.

Oh, the poor Man... He was really doing a stellar job at hiding the exasperation I know he must have been feeling at this point. But I guess he's pretty used to me by now.

In the end, we ended up keeping a couple pairs of dress shoes (they weren't worn out at all), the Boy's tiny Crocs (just because they're cute) and his baby shoes.

In just two short years, my kids went through a lot of shoes - evidence of how much they've grown and changed since we arrived in Korea, and I'm just too sentimental sometimes, especially at times like this.

Times of transition.

 Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier if we were settled down. Would I still feel so emotionally attached to symbols of the past, things like shoes? Or would I not feel that so strongly because there would be one major constant in our lives - namely a home.

But then I realize I'm grateful to have to face these transitions and the awareness of the passing time that they bring. If I didn't have these, I could imagine myself one day being shocked with the reality that ten years had passed in the blink of an eye. I guess we are all blessed with these reminders whether we live in one place for a long time or move around a lot. They come in many different forms.

So, even though our moves are bittersweet, I'm glad for the bitter parts too. If it weren't for them, I may not be as aware as I should be. I might take moments for granted even more than I already do.

I'm also glad that we still have the Boy's tiny Crocs.

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